The Good News that I Didn’t Share

Wow, what a bad mood this blog has been in this week!  I’m very happy to report that just a few hours was all I needed to get over the house.  Once we knew it wasn’t ours, I realized that it was definitely not in our dream area and it had been built-up a little big in our minds.  Was it our dream first house?  Yes, of course.  But, are there other dream first houses out there waiting for us to buy one day?  Definitely, and they are in our dream location.  We are still going to wait until the summer or fall (or even later) to look again, but we are not discouraged any more.

Now, two days of discouragement and bad news calls for some good news, right?

Last week was just a huge whirlwind of emotions.  I cried some of the most happy tears I’ve ever cried in my life and also cried in sadness, however all of it was meant to be and has me feeling completely humbled and blessed right now.



Do you remember this little photography business I started last year?  Yeah, I almost forgot about it too because nothing was really happening with it.  Last fall was CRAZY with finishing up my last semester before student teaching (that I start in less than a week – scary – let me know if you want updates on that as well), so I really had no time to put into the business.  However, I was still thinking about it a lot, practicing my photog skills, thinking about logos and branding, and researching as much about small businesses as possible.

Now I’ve had all of January to prepare for student teaching and to get my business on track.  I have an engagement session lined up with one of my best friends, Tiffany, but other than that, I had no plans.  I had asked some photographers I know and really respect for some help (like to allow me to second shoot some weddings for free or to sit down and chat with me), but I did not have much good feedback.  Mostly, they were too busy to be able to commit time to help me, which is completely understandable.  However, I became extremely discouraged that I would never be able to make this dream a reality.

Then, last Wednesday came and I was struck to post an ad on Craigslist asking for someone (anyone) to help me gain experience.  I then decided to put the rest in God’s hands because I felt called by Him in the first place to jump into the photography business in the first place.



Literally, an hour after I prayed about it and let it go, I received an email from a local woman (I’ll share her identity once I know everything is going to happen before and once I sit down with her) who is newer in the business and has five weddings coming up starting April.  She is not charging a lot because is new, so she can’t afford a second shooter, but she told me that she really likes my style and would love to give me the opportunity to work as her second shooter.

PLUS, she told me I could use the photos I shot on my website (which is usually never done with second shooters because the lead photographer normally owns the rights to the photos) meaning I can show others that I have experience and hopefully gain my own clients.

I emailed her right away with exclamation marks after every sentence because I was just. so. darn. excited.  I wouldn’t let the fear overtake me that normally does when I get close to doing something big and scary.  I told her that if my excitement didn’t scare her away, I would love to second shoot with her.  She told me she was just as excited and we got to planning!

I literally sat in our living room, laptop on my lap, listening to this song that I talked about last week, and sobbed.  Bawled.  I don’t even think there is a good word that describes the crying.  I have never cried such happy tears, except perhaps when Mr. Converse Sneakers proposed to me.  Mr. CS wasn’t home, so when he called me mid-tear flood to tell me he was on his way home, he thought something was tragically wrong. 

“What’s wrong?  What happened?!” he asked.

“I’m second shooting FIVE weddings,” I blurted out through tears.

“WHAT happened????” He could not understand my muffled words.

“I’M SECOND SHOOTING FIVE WEDDINGS,” I yelled, hoping that would make the words more clear.

And then, after understanding that my parent’s dog Stewart Wallace hadn't died and I hadn’t gotten into a  horrible car accident (which were just a couple of the thoughts that were running through his mind when he heard me crying), he got extremely excited and joined in the joyful celebration, sans tears, of course.

THEN (I know, I ramble a lot), I got an email from another photographer saying she is shooting a wedding on a lake in February and would be willing for me to tag along to practice.  Six weddings!

Six weddings, people!  You know how much I am going to learn after second shooting SIX weddings?

Plus, another photographer I know is getting back from networking in another state in March and is willing to sit down with me as well.  By the end of the summer, I should be able to branch out and start shooting weddings on my own.

I can’t wait!  If you take anything from this completely way too long post, take with you that the Lord is completely wonderful and has unbelievable plans for each one of us, that fear should never stand in the way of you and your dreams (it just shows that you really care about your dreams), and that discouragement should feed action.

I can’t wait to update you on more photography adventures!

C&P Newborn Session at Sarah Syhakhoun Photography

I’ve added a new post to my photography website.  Come on over and check out photos of one of my best friends and her beautiful baby boy.  I first introduced them here, but now took some photos as a photographer,  not just as a friend over visiting. :)



Enjoy!

What’s In My Pretty Yellow Camera Bag?

Two years back, during finals week of my junior year, I ordered a Nikon D5000.  I tend to spend large sums of money during finals week, probably because my brain is so fried I am unable to think clearly about what I am doing.  Or, that’s my excuse. ;)

I loved that camera more than words could describe.  I learned all that I could find about ISO, shutter speed, aperture, metering, light, composition, and exposure so by the next year I had moved beyond of Aperture Priority and began shooting in manual.  I never felt very good about my indoor shots because most of the places I take photos of inside have limited natural light which is what I like to work with exclusively.  Our current apartment has been horrendous to shoot. Nothing ever looks the same on camera as it does on person, which is definitely my own fault because I don’t know a lot about shooting indoors, especially with low light.  I never purchased an external flash and I never used the one on my camera even once.  For over a year I have been thinking about upgrading when I had a good reason to.

Well, if opening my own photography business isn’t a good reason to get a more professional DSLR, then I don’t know what is!  After many weeks of researching, I decided to stray from Nikon.  As much as I loved my old camera, I decided that Canon, in my opinion, offers better features at a lower price.  Everyone has a different opinion about the ongoing Canon/Nikon debate, and now I’ve been on both sides.  I think both brands are awesome and I could never choose one over the other.  However, I did tons of research on the cameras other professional photographers doing lifestyle photography are using, and hands down, 99% of the ones I researched (which were lots) were using a Canon 5d Mark or the 5d Mark ii, which was actually the camera I had been pining over for many months.

I decided to go for it, finding it $500 cheaper online than I would pay at a nearby retail store for full price with tax.  It arrived last week and I am loving it!  I can’t wait to start using it professionally!  Now Mr. Converse Sneakers gets my backup Nikon D5000 to learn the basics on.

While I was upgrading my camera body, I had to also get new lenses and other camera gear since I am now starting a business.

Let’s check out my bag and its contents:

My camera bag came in this awesome box – with the same font as my blog header!


It’s the Betsy in mustard from JoTotes.



I had many requirements for a bag:

• It had to look like something other than a camera bag.  With so much expensive gear in one bag, when I am out and about I don’t want anyone knowing what’s inside at first glance.
• It had to be cute.  I figure if I am going to go the untraditional route with the bag, it might as well be adorable!
• It had to be able to expand to my growing collection of gear.
• It had to have extra pockets.
• It had to fit well as a messenger bag.

So far, Betsy has far surpassed my requirements!

She even has a pocket in the main flap which will be great when I can think of what I want to store in there!



The pocket in the back was designed for an iPad, but I will probably keep a notebook in there.



In addition to my 5D Mark ii and 50mm f/1.4 prime lens, I also keep the following in my bag:

• A case for my CF cards
• A cleaning pen and a lens blower
• Transfer cable
• Battery charger
• 85mm f/1.8 lens
• Pen and pencil

I still have a lot of ideas for things to add (like lenses), but so far, I think this is a great start.  I love it all and am thrilled to share my progress with all of these tools over time.

What’s in your camera bag?

Getting the Ball (or Lens) Rolling

Last week, I shared the engagement photos I took for my friends and my announcement that I am starting a photography business.  Over the course of the past two weeks, I have spent every second of my free time (some of which when I should have been doing homework) researching, planning, and building my brand.  It took a long time to come up with a name because my first and middle names (Sarah Ann) are extremely common and already taken as photography names, and I was hesitant to use my last name because it’s hard to pronounce when reading it, but no other name would fit.  I decided that it is my name and I should be proud of it!

My new photography website is Sarah Syhakhoun Photography found here.  I would love if you would go check it out, especially if you life in the Twin Cities area.  Since I am just starting out, I am offering very affordable rates, so please send me an email if you are interested!

I can’t wait to update my new website with more photos!  This journey has been, so far, extremely thrilling as well as terrifying, but I know it’s right, so I’m going to keep chugging along.

:)

Overcoming Fear with the Help of the Lord

I tend to mention my Type-A tendencies and my perfectionism a lot around here, I’ve noticed.  These two connected personality traits dominate much of my life and have done both wonders and horrors for me throughout my 22 years.  They have helped me become a varsity dance captain and help lead the team to state my senior year of high school, after joining the team quickly my sophomore year.  Because of these traits, I am an incredibly dependable person who rarely is late or forgetful, since I have a page-a-day planner to map out every part of my life.  I can rely on these traits to get my homework done days before it’s due and still stupidly think I’m procrastinating because I would have liked to get everything done even earlier.  I would never bash these traits because they are very useful to me in so many parts of my life.

However, these traits have also done a lot of damage in my life.  I remember staying at my grandparents for a week the summer before my sophomore year of high school.  I felt lonely being away from home, and could not get the image of me going off to college out of my mind.  As a fifteen year old girl, I was bawling my eyes out thinking about going to college which wasn’t going to happen for another three years!  My perfectionism and Type-A-ness lead me to become crippled at the thought of losing control.  Although I am going to school to be an English teacher, the though of public speaking has tormented me for years because when speaking in public, I cannot plan exactly how everything will go, so I panic.

This fear of the unknown and of losing control has dominated my thinking for many years.  I hate phone calls that I cannot predict, so many friends will not get called.  Often, I will go out of my way to avoid any kind of awkward situation, so making friends was not something I was known for in college, but thankfully the ones I did make are high-quality and essential to my life.

What I am getting at is that I am an incredibly fearful person.  I don’t think many people know that about me because it’s not something I share due to being embarrassed about it, but I have a reason to share it now. 



Earlier this week, I posted my first engagement session photos with me as photographer.  Trust me, taking these photos made me incredibly scared.  Thoughts were running through my mind all week.  What if they suck?  What if they hate them?  What if I realize I will never be able to become a photographer?  My dream for a couple years has been to become a photographer, but I’ve been too busy with school and full of fear to ever put any thought into it.  Secretly, I somehow knew the dream would never be realized because I’d always be too scared to give it a shot.

However, God knows very well that I struggle with fear daily.  I’m sure he can tell just by listening to my thoughts, but it’s also been something I’ve prayed about constantly.  I’ve gotten better over time by calming myself down, and making visual reminders such as one I posted a few weeks ago to help me focus on what’s really important in life, but it’s still not where I want it.  I know fear is going against God because I know He will never let anything I can’t handle happen to me.  The strength of the Lord has held my hand as he has slowly brought me out of my fearful shell and pushed me toward him, toward a life of purpose.

When my friend, Christine, called me asking me to take her photos, I knew God was saying “DO IT!  DO IT!”  I felt it so strongly that I had to say yes.  Then, as I looked at the photos on my camera, God was telling me, “These are pretty good.”  My fear was telling me they would look way worse on my computer.

I’m sure you follow the trend.  When I pulled them up on the computer, I could’ve cried with happiness.  God was saying, “I gave you passion for this, do something good with it.”

So I did and I am.

God has been pushing me for months to do something risky, out of my comfort zone, something I am TERRIFIED of.  So, after getting tremendous responses from the engagement photos on facebook and even getting asked already to shoot two weddings (I still can’t believe it), I decided to take the biggest risk of my life and create a photography business.

And you know what?  I can’t wait!  Sure, I have a ton to learn still, but if people like what I'm doing and I'm proud of my work, then I have confidence I can make this work.  Sure, I’ll have to talk to people I don’t know, market myself, work very hard, and get knocked down a few times.  But, what’s keeping me from becoming scared is that God is here.

He is always here.

He wants me to succeed.

He wants me to live a life where I can lead others to him, and seriously, a good photo always leads me to God because He is beauty and truth.

I’m ready to look fear in he eye with the Lord holding my hand, and I’m ready for Him to eventually let go and make me a stronger person.

I am blessed.

Engaging Myself Through Photography

This weekend I had the most amazing experience to photograph two of my friends, Lynden and Christine, who are engaged to be married next summer!  I got the call from her last Monday, and my first thought was, “No way, I’m nowhere near good enough.”  Thankfully I was in class when she called and could not answer, because I probably would have told her no without even giving it any thought.  Like I’ve mentioned many times, I’m a perfectionist, so I tend to stay away from doing things I’m not good at or have little experience doing.  However, one of my dreams that I rarely share with anyone is to be a photographer.  I wouldn’t really care if it was a full time job or just a side job I did because I absolutely love photography and do it anyway regardless of whether I get paid or not.

So, with that in mind, I called her back and told her I would be honored to take her photos.  I also added in a sidenote that they may turn out horribly just to save myself and Christine from any disappointment.  I later called for details, thinking that I would have a month or so to practice before the session since I honestly have never done a portrait shoot ever before.  Not ever, so you can imagine why this was scary for me.  Christine suggested we do it this weekend, so I gave in and said yes while I started to freak myself out.

We headed over to Centennial Lakes in Edina since it is not too far from my apartment and it had a lot of spots to take photos.  My worst nightmare happened when there was a HUGE wedding going on taking up one whole side along the lake, but it all worked out in the end.

Here are my favorites:

I had such a blast trying things out, giving pointers, and watching these two love on each other.  I couldn’t think of a better couple to do this with for the first time.  I’m not sure if it was their modeling skills or my photography skills that made these photos turn out, but either way I’m ready to practice some more!

I am off to scope out some unsuspecting photo subjects coughMr.ConverseSneakerscough so I can add to my portfolio!

Throbbing Ovaries

This past weekend I had the pleasure of meeting my very first friend-baby, you know a baby birthed by one of those people you love very dearly but aren’t blood related to?  She was also my first friend to get married last October and now she and her husband welcomed the sweetest baby boy, Parker!

He is way too cute to describe through words so I will let the photos do the talking.  He makes my ovaries throb, which sounds kind of morbid to other people, but completely describes what I’m feeling.

When my friend, Courtney, found out she was pregnant, her husband, Patrick, was adamant that the baby had to be a boy because he could not handle having a baby girl growing up and doing things like dating and getting married – he would be a nervous wreck!  He was very happy to find out they were having a boy!  I hope Courtney gets her girl one day and Pat becomes the nervous adorable wreck of a daddy!  I think he will enjoy it!

Such a beautiful family!  I would love to be a photographer one day and shoot babies nonstop, but for now I will stick to baby Parker – I can’t get enough!

Mr. Converse Sneakers held him for a long time.  He has baby fever bad!

The second we got married, I got baby fever, too!  My ovaries have been seriously throbbing – sometimes almost quite literally – since we got married because my body knows its biological clock is ticking.  Something very strange happened after we got married, too: babies started calling out to us to bring another little munchkin into the world.  Everywhere we would go, they would wave at us, some would coo, and others would just stare and point at us.  I’m not exaggerating!  I’m a firm believer in God leading lives down a certain path, so I started to think all the pointing and waving was more than just a coincidence.  San and I thought maybe He was trying to heavily hint to us that it was time to start making babies.  But, we wanted to wait a couple years to start trying since, you know, we’re 22, I’m still in school, we waited a long time to finally get to this point where we get to live together and spend lots of time together and we want to enjoy it.

Well, we prayed long and hard one day to give us another, more obvious sign, and told ourselves if one more baby waved at us or did something similar, we would know God wanted us to take part in His miracle of creation.  I’m not sure if I should start this sentence with fortunately or unfortunately, but either way, nothing happened since.  It’s been a couple weeks and we have not seen one sign and we’ve been looking very hard, so we figure to just keep waiting until we think the time is right.

Being around little precious Parker this weekend helped me come to terms with this.  Holding him, pointing out all his tiny details, and thinking about how much of a miracle he is, I realized I’m okay with not having a little miracle of my own yet.  I’m not ready for a lifelong commitment that a child is yet, and although I think we will never be ready, I feel good waiting.  It’s strange because I have dreamed of having children since I was one myself, and now that I’m married and technically ready in most ways, I’m happy waiting.

A couple years is not very long to wait, I realized, so now we will spending the next few years dreaming some more, planning, and waiting for our little miracles who will completely change our lives.  I just want things to stay the way they are for a little while longer because with miracles of this kind comes the greatest, and most incredible responsibility.

In the meantime, Courtney can have as many as she wants because I sure love spending time with other people’s babies!