Random Redheaded Thoughts

I’m having one of those days where I have a lot on my mind.  I love when blogger post random posts, so I thought I would just spill it all out for you to meander through at your own discretion.



We’ve started reading the Bible together, which is something we have never done before.  It’s really a beautiful thing to sit down and read the Good News together and to reflect on what it means and how we can follow Jesus better.  We have started with the Gospels and will be slowly making our way through the whole thing.

Source: Katelyn James Photography

Over the course of the past week, I have read or skimmed through every post on Katelyn James’ photography blog.  I am obsessed with her style, her brand, and her openness about her life, faith, and business.  She has greatly inspired me to pour my heart into my teeny tiny little photography business.  You should check out her blog.  She is also a redhead (don't be confused by the photo above - it's not me - I have green eyes)!



As promised, I will update you on the whole house hunting excursion we just started yesterday.  We saw two houses yesterday with our current realtor (not sure we will stick with him because he has been late both times we’ve met with him but seems like a good person and realtor).  One was cute on the outside, but was falling apart on the inside.  The basement was completely covered in mold.  I felt sick the rest of the day just thinking about it.  It was in a great neighborhood, but I told our realtor “Not in a million years.”  The second house was a little better, but still a huge no.  Some of the walls were mysteriously placed at an angle and the basement ceiling were about as tall as us, and we are short.  It was way too small as well, but at least it wasn’t covered in mold.

We have started looking at apartments too because we don’t want to be stuck in our current apartment once our roommate moves out since the entire rent costs as much as our top-end monthly mortgage payment would be (including taxes, mortgage, and property insurance).  If we don’t find a house in our current price range (which I am guessing we won’t, but we will keep looking just in case), we are going to move into an affordable apartment, save up most of my full-time income once I have a full-time job, and get preapproved for a higher amount figuring in both of our incomes.  We are happy with either scenario, but would love to find a super affordable home in our current price range.  I do believe in miracles!




This song (which I found on Katelyn James’ blog randomly) has been played at least 20 times since Sunday.  I absolutely love it!  I haven’t been that big into Christian music in my life, but last year I really started getting into it.  Listening to it throughout the day causes me to point my thoughts toward Christ, which is something I’ve been working on for a long time.  I have teared up many a time listening to this song, just feeling so thankful for being alive with such a magnificent Creator and Savior.



I haven’t written much about my photography business because I was so busy last semester that I barely had time to do anything not school-related, but it has taken up much of my thoughts over the past few months.  I am at the point where I really just want to gain experience, especially with weddings, but I have had the hardest time finding someone willing to let me jump on board with them.  The industry has changed drastically when it comes to mentoring since more people are getting into photography leaving people guarded to share their experiences, which makes sense, but this has me feeling very discouraged.  I’m trudging on, but it is not easy!  And, yes, above is a little snapshot of our kitchen that is always chaotic.  We were just about to take out the garbage, I promise!


Yesterday I curled my hair just for fun.  I had myself believing I couldn’t do anything cute with my new short ‘do, but I was wrong!  I snapped the photo above with my iPhone since I am horrible at taking self portraits with a heavy DSLR.



I’ve had these magazines since the week before Christmas.  They followed me around my parents’ house all Christmas break, as I eagerly waited for a time to read them but found no time.  Now, they have been staring at me to open them up and tear out their beautiful pages for my inspiration binder, but still, three weeks into January, I have yet to get to them.  I will soon!

While I’m already being random, I’d love to offer the chance to ask me anything in the comments.  I try to share a lot, but I know many areas of my life do not get covered and there are probably things others are wondering about.  Please ask any questions you are wondering about in the comments!

Keeping it Real: Home Love

I like to keep my posts happy and uplifting, because I honestly try to live my life that way.  However, I’m a pretty emotional person, so often my emotions head south.

Yesterday was one of those days.  I’m keeping it real; I’m the redhead, and this is my life.  I want to share this little story with you.

I normally am a very private person, but in the blogging world that just doesn’t fly (at least not for me).  Of course some privacy is necessary, but I created this blog so I could get away from shelling everything up inside.  I tend to lock my thoughts in my brain and throw away the key.  Even my own husband is dumbfounded sometimes when I let out a thought or two that’s been on my mind, sometimes for years, that I have never shared before.  Today, I’m just letting it all out because it’s the kind of day where I need to stop holding everything in so close.  All of these thoughts become heavy to hold after 22 years.

So, yesterday.  Mr. Converse Sneakers and I have decided to try to get pre-approved for a mortgage, just to see.  Our lease is up June 1st, making our last rent payment May 1st, and we are yearning for a place to put our stamp on.  The only problem?  As of December 21st, I am no longer working since my school job ended then and I will be student teaching full-time from February to May.  We have student loans to help tide us over, but we don’t want to use them if we can help it.  This means that we are trying to get preapproved just based on Mr. CS’s income.  We know we won’t be able to afford much, because we don’t want to be house poor and buy a house that depends on two stable incomes (since who knows how long any income will be stable for), but we just want to see what is out there.  We’ve been waiting by the phone to hear back for our mortgage consultant.  I can’t wait to hear whether we can start looking or should wait until I’m working full-time.

As much as I remind myself that we were not planning to look until the fall, so I should be happy no matter what happens, I have gotten myself all wrapped up in the search.  Instead of doing what I should be doing (preparing for student teaching, spending precious time with my friends before life gets completely chaotic, getting off my butt), I spent most of yesterday glued to online real estate listings.  The houses in our tiny price range are not pretty, but I’m determined to find one we can make beautiful.  The only problem with this right now is that we have not been preapproved, we don’t have an agent, and therefore searching online is pretty pointless because getting attached to photos online with no preapproval and no realtor means the search ends there.  These frantic hours of searching left me in a bad mood.  I’m horribly impatient when it comes to reaching my dreams, so being so close to this one with no further action I can take is really stressing me out.

After Mr. CS came home, I started to feel a little better and I vowed to stop searching for a home until we have been preapproved.  However, as I was checking my email before bed last night, I saw an email from my mom telling me my childhood home is now for sale.  Gosh, just writing that sentence that is such a simple one bring me to tears.  I haven’t lived in that home for over five years but knowing it is going to be passing to a new family again makes my heart ache.

The old house

This story needs a little more explanation:

When I was five, my parents and I moved to a beautiful farm in the middle of nowhere at the end of a long gravel road on the outskirts of a town of 3,000 people.  It became my home for the next 12 years.  The most substantial 12 years of my life so far because it is where 90% of my memories are from.  My parents put years of work into the house.  Before moving in, since it was an Amish-built house, my Dad added plumbing and electricity.  They added beautiful cherry cabinets, light-filled curved windows in the kitchen, and built-ins in the office.  It transformed over those 12 years throughout countless sleepovers, bedroom karaoke sessions, hurtful words, beautiful walks in the woods, numerous pets, and lots of love.  I have so many memories – both good and bed – but each memory made me who I am today.  What I miss most, however, is not the house but the land.  On 108 acres, I had room to explore.  I would hike out to a hilltop overlooking miles and miles of farmland and write poems, love letters to boys I had crushes on, and dream of sun washed forests filled with wildflowers and undiscovered footpaths. 

My imagination and my mind were created on that land.

All of my secrets, my passions, my tears, my laughter stem from that land.

My love for an all-powerful, all-loving, and ever-forgiving God was formed on that land.

My parents built a new house on a small chunk of the land that was our former summer picnic spot.  They sold the first house when we moved to the new house.  Over time, they also sold most of the rest of the land as well.  I’ve had over five years to adjust to this, but just now, out of the blue, it is really hitting me.  They are now planning on selling the house they built, and so once it’s gone I will forever be distanced from the land that contains so much of me.

The new house

As I laid in bed sobbing last night as I looked at the listing of my house that had been transformed by its current owners over the past five years, Mr. CS tried to comfort me by saying, “I know how it is.  It’s hard to see the house go.”  I became angry with him.  He did not understand.  I had no words to explain it to him, so I rolled away from his loving arms and cried in solitude in the dark.  I’m good at shutting people out just when I need them most.

He grew up in the town with barely any land and never felt the kind of attachment that I did to that house and land.  I don’t think I could ever fully explain it to him or to anyone else who has never felt this kind of love.  It sounds so silly as I write it, but knowing I will never get to walk on that land again, that the current owners only loved it for five years before giving it up, breaks my heart.  The tears never end.  I haven’t cried like this in a very long time and it al seems so silly.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way about a piece of land.  I keep telling myself that I have all the memories inside of me - that is all that really matters – but I just want to walk the land again, the land that we don’t own anymore, that may have forgotten me by now.

Now that we’re thinking of buying a home, I think of how tied I am to the house I grew up in.  I want my future children to have a house that contains them, their beginnings, their love, their dreams.  I want land for them to sprawl out in, get lost in, find themselves in.  I am so not a city girl, but this is where I am right now.  Today, I will be coming to terms with the end of my childhood, but the beginning of my adult life that I have the power of making wonderful.  I know the switching hands of real estate will never take away who I am, but it sure hurts to see it go, always wondering if the new owners will love it the way we did.

Please tell me I’m not alone.

A New Definition of “Dwell”

In addition to spending time with friends and family over my two-week hiatus, I spent a fair amount of time reflecting on my personality and ways I want to be a better person this year.  As a perfectionist, I constantly strive to reach an unattainable goal of perfection, which I know is not possible, but is worth striving for, I suppose.  However, this leads to some of the negative aspects of my personality.

Up until a couple weeks ago, I thought of the word “dwell” as something negative.



I used to dwell on what I don’t have.

                        What I think I need.

                                              Why I’m not the person I want to be.

                                                                     How much money is not in our bank account.

                                                                                                           How many things I have to do.

How many hours I don’t get to spend with my husband.

                        How many people are suffering in the world.

                                              The corruption in our country.  In our world.

                                                                      The selfishness inside of so many.  Inside of myself.

I could go on an on.  The word “dwell” was something I tried to avoid because it just led to negativity.   Lately, though, I’ve discovered a new definition of the word “dwell.”  I choose if I want to dwell in a positive or negative way.

This year, instead of dwelling on the negative, I’m going to dwell on the positive.

Now I dwell on what I do have.

              All of the things that I don’t need and why I’m thankful to have all my needs met.

                            Why I am so much of the person I want to be and how to become even better.

                                                How much money is in our bank account and the good we can do with it.

                                                                  All the wonderful things I am physically and mentally able to do every day.

The hours I get to spend making memories with my husband.

             How I can help the people who are suffering.

                            The goodness in each person.  In our world.  In my God.

                                             The selflessness within so many people.

I could go on and on.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Instead of dwelling on the bad, I’m going to dwell on the good.

What good things should you be dwelling on?

Be sure to stop by tomorrow because I am hosting my first giveaway with none other than Shabby Apple, which is only my favorite and most amazing online dress company around.  Drop by tomorrow to enter to win a dress I know you will love!  See you then!

10 Highlights from 2011

As I said yesterday in my post about our Christmas traditions, every year we plan on making a highlight/recap video from the year.  I tend to be horrible at remembering years of my life, as in I can’t say things like, “Back in 2005 I ________.”  My brain doesn’t work like that.  I can say “Back in first grade, blah blah blah” but I’d have to do some math to figure out the year.  Now that I’m in my last year of college for a very long time or perhaps forever (praise the Lord, hallelujah), I won’t have these school references to remember things by, so by making a video perhaps my brain will be more likely to remember things by year or at least I will have a quick video to watch as a refresher course.  I’m hoping I will never forget this year, but in case I forget the year we were married, I will have a sweet little (slightly awkward, dorky, and humorous) video to look back on.

Here is our video for this year.  Well, actually wait – I’m a little nervous about posting a video of myself and Mr. Converse Sneakers in case you all think we’re nutty and never come back after watching 10 seconds of this video, so I’m just stalling.

Okay.

Here are our 10 highlights from 2011 (in no particular order):

In case you can’t watch the video for whatever reason, here is what we covered (and a little more) in a nutshell:

#1: My Graduation

I graduated from four crazy years of college with a BA in English and a minor in Family Studies.  It felt so good to finish everything!  I was very proud of myself to graduate Summa Cum Laude after working about 25 hours a week all through college and planning our wedding.  It was no easy job, but I’m definitely not a party girl and managed to get everything done and still work out and sleep most days.  By May of this year I will be a licensed teacher since I am almost done taking the grad classes I need and will be student teaching all spring.

#2: My Bridal Shower

My maid and matron of honor put on my bridal shower which was held at my parents’ house in June.  My closest friends and family were there and we had a great time!  It was a Hawaiian theme.  The games were hilarious and the presents were seriously awesome – I was so surprised at what we were given!  I will never forget all of the support and love we had at every wedding-related event.

#3: Our Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties

We had our bachelor and bachelorette parties on the same day.  Lots of crazy randomness went on, which I don’t think we need to elaborate on, but it was all good, clean-ish fun that definitely made for many laughs and an interesting night.  Mine had a polka dot theme, which is so me and so cute!

#4: Our Wedding

I’ve probably rambled on too much about our wedding, which you can read about in detail here.  I’m not sure why we didn’t order these highlights, but the wedding was by far the best day of the year (and possibly our lives).  Some say that wedding days aren’t the best day of the year, but for us it really was.  We had been waiting five and a half years for that day, so needless to say we couldn’t wait!  Everything was perfect and we wouldn’t change a thing.

#5: Our Honeymoon

We went to Duluth for our honeymoon which is just a couple hours north of where we live now.  We had never been there and thought it was kind of close to going somewhere on the coast since Lake Superior is so large I could easily mistake it for an ocean (since I’ve never seen an ocean before).  I had been sick since a couple days before the wedding and it just got worse over our honeymoon, but Mr. CS wouldn’t let that keep us from sightseeing and eating a ton.  I would have loved to stay in bed all day watching Dish Network that our hotel room had (since we don’t have cable) – because seriously aren’t people supposed to stay cooped up in bed all day long on their honeymoon – but Mr. CS wouldn’t have it.  We’re both foodies, so our honeymoon photos mostly consist of what we ate.  Check out the video for lots more.  It was a great time to be away from work and responsibility and to just focus on each other and the promises we had recently made.

#6: Moving into Our First Home Together

Moving in together was one of the most anticipated things we did this year.  I couldn’t wait to finally get to see the love of my life every day.  We’ve loved making our little apartment more homey, but cannot wait for the day when we can move into our first owned house together.

#7: Began Exercising Together

Now that we live together, we really enjoy working out together.  We were fairly good about exercising on our own before we lived together, but now we have another person to hold us accountable and keep us motivated.  I haven’t been very good about exercising lately because school, getting ready to student teach, adjusting to married life, keeping up with this blog, and finding time to eat and sleep have wiped me out, but I’m hoping to get back on it soon.  We mostly stick to the Supreme 90 Day workouts, which I talked about in his post about Tabata Inferno.

#8: Courtney’s Baby

Since I am one of the first among my friends to get married, I only have one friend who is already married, Courtney (she was the matron of honor in our wedding).  She was almost 9 months pregnant at our wedding and had little Parker Theodore just a couple weeks after.  I was given the honor of taking some family photos (above), which you can see more of on my photography website.  I could not be happier for Courtney and Pat!  Parker is beyond adorable and looks just like Courtney which melts my heart.  He sure does not help us want to wait for kids!

#9: I Started Grad School

Grad school doesn’t feel much different than going to classes as an undergrad did because they are at the same place, but I feel kind of cool knowing I already have my degree and am going back for higher level credits.  My wallet doesn’t feel so cool, but it’ll thank me one day (I hope).

#10: Found Our Church

My hubby man’s boss invited us to church in September which we went to a few times.  We absolutely love it, but don’t love that it’s half an hour away.  After a couple months of deliberation, we decided last Sunday to make this church “our” church since we love it so much.  I was raised going to a Lutheran church and Mr. CS went to a very strict, I believe Baptist church, but we don’t feel very strongly about sticking with either denomination. The church we have decided to keep going to is non-denominational but fits our beliefs about Jesus and the Bible.  It’s catered to a younger crowd but gives incredible tell-it-like-it-is sermons that are shockingly real but make us inspired to be better people.  We love it!

So, there you have it!  This was a big year for us, but we know the years to come will be big too since we have lots of major life events we’ve been dreaming about.

What were some highlights from your year?

Giving Thanks for Things I’m Not Thankful For

I can’t speak for all states in America, but here in Minnesota, we spend a large amount of time talking about the weather.  We either praise it or complain about it.  We have been very fortunate to have a relatively warm and long autumn, but now that the temperature are starting to drop and daylight savings time has hit, we are becoming gloomy and pessimistic.

I will be the first to admit that I hate winter.  Honestly, I don’t know how I get through our six month winters every year because I hate the cold, the runny noses, the tolls our cars take, the increase in automobile accidents, the salt the ruins good shoes, yaddayadda the list continues.

However, as much as I am already thinking about Christmas, this is the month of being thankful.  I am trying my hardest to be thankful for everything in my life, because all of it is worth looking at in a positive way.  So, one of the major things I’m trying to be thankful for is winter, because I know in a couple months I will have a hard time finding anything positive about winter and will need something to look back on to make my heart happy instead of depressingly sad.

Here are my ten (I’m making myself go with ten even thought it seems impossible) reasons to be thankful for Minnesota winters:

1. Christmas doesn’t look as pretty without snow.

2. Bundling up in a blanket with a good book when outside temperatures are in the negatives is one of the best feelings in the world.

3. Six months of extreme cold means uncontainable joy come spring.

4. Coffee shops warm my soul in the winter – literally and figuratively.

5. Snowflakes are a great wonder of the world and provide a magic we can’t experience any other time of the year.

6. Coming into a warm building after being in the cold relaxes me.

7. Frost on the trees, though a rare sight, is extremely beautiful.

8. I admit that snowmen are pretty cool.

9. Boots are pretty cute (and comfy).

10. God created the seasons.  I should love them for that very reason!

What are your reasons for being thankful for harsh winters?

Photo sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Refocusing: Needs versus Wants

Every so often I get swept away in my ideas and in all of the inspiration around me and I forget what is really important in life.  Just when I thought I had mastered a way of thinking I have been taught since birth, I find myself thinking like a child again.  I’ll say, “I need this” or “I have to have that.”  As someone who has spent years studying the English language, I know how crucial language is to one’s understanding of the world.  When I say I “need” something I don’t really need, but in fact, want, I begin thinking that I really do need that something in order to survive.  Most things in my life I don’t need to survive.

Today, because I am sure I’m  not the only one who gets swept away with these thoughts, I’m going to share my needs versus wants.  I hope it helps me gain some perspective and puts me in a better mood because today I’m crabby!  I have no idea why.  I need to remember just how blessed I am just by being alive.

My thought: I need some more mascara.

No, one does not ever need mascara.  I’m simply running low.

Replace it with: I’m so blessed to have time to think about vanity when others are spending their time thinking about how they will survive.

My thought: I need a craft area in my living room.

No, I want a craft area because it would be easier to craft if everything is in one place.

Replace it with: I am very lucky to have the resources to afford items to use for a hobby.  I am lucky to have free time.

My thought: I need more time with my husband.

Replace it with: I should cherish the little time I have with my husband and cherish the fact that we both have jobs and fulfilling days, every day.

My thought: I need the new iPhone.  My phone is crap.

How funny it is that now a cell phone is considered a need.

Replace it with: Phones are a luxury that I’m lucky to be able to afford.  Be thankful every time I use it because it’s something not everyone has.

I think you get the point.  I hope it helped you or at least is something you could look back on if these thoughts ever creep into your mind.  It has helped me!

What is something you find yourself saying you need, when it is really just something you want?

The Wedding Hangover Dwindles

No I am not talking about an alcoholic hangover.  Thankfully, I was not drunk at my wedding (although many that attended cannot say the same), but I did have a wonderful hangover from the wedding that is now dwindling.  It was a euphoric hangover.

9 days.  Nine days.  A week and two days since I got married.  I’m getting more used to the word “husband” and have even begun saying things like, “Don’t talk to your wife like that,” although it is always to make Mr. Converse Sneakers laugh since we haven’t had a marital fight yet.  Yet.  I am now to the point where the wedding day is starting to slip away from my memory.  The first few days after the wedding, we couldn’t stop talking about it, but somehow life has a way of moving forward and causing us to refocus on things like work, school, bills, decorating, Goodwill shopping; you know, all normal things.  Most blogs I read are written by married women, so I know I have a lot of learning to do to catch up, but right now I’m trying to figure out if these feelings are normal.

I spent a whole year (well, short of three days) planning for this:

Photo courtesy of the amazingly wonderful photographer, Leah of Leah Maria Photography.

Now it’s over and I thought I would be so happy to be done planning and stressing.  Well, now I’m stressing about not having anything to plan!

Mr. Converse Sneakers and I were watching Direct TV in our hotel room on our honeymoon (which is a treat since we don’t have cable at home) and coincidentally heard a news story about how to recover after something amazing happens and what I call the “euphoric hangover” dwindles.  They said to plan new goals, start a new hobby, yadda yadda, but I still feel sad.  It’s only been 9 days and I want the wedding day to feel like it just happened yesterday.  I want my hangover back! I think I am mostly worried that one day I will forget it completely.

So, today, I set a new goal, to write down as many memories from the wedding as possible and to get everyone in on it so that I never forget.  I mean, this is something I want to tell my children about one day!  And I hope to have a lot of them, so that means a lot of wedding-storytelling!

Any other ideas for holding on to wedding memories and getting over the euphoric hangover blues?